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Wed, May. 9th, 2007, 06:35 pm
Wow, it has been a year now since I last wrote. I forgot I had this. I find it so strange to read what I use to write and wonder what was I think at that moment. This is why we have journals. To those who still read this, give me a shout out. t.c.s. Sun, Jul. 9th, 2006, 03:47 pm
UB is almost over...i'm sad...means i'll be shut away from ppl for the next 5 weeks... Sat, Jun. 17th, 2006, 11:51 pm
........................................ thats how i feel right now..................................... speechless.............................. lost.................................... staring into air..................................... numb.................................... i want to scream i want to cry i want someone to tel me is going to be ok i want to be loved i want some pizza i want some water i want..I WANT I FUCKING WANT WANT WANT WANT!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! i'm a dick head i'm a prick i dont think about anyone else but myself i dislike myself i I FUCKING I I I I I I....................... song of the hour "Better Days" Goo Goo Dolls... ppl say i i know alot of ppl ..well let me ask you ppl a fucking question...if i know so many ppl..>WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY WHEN I NEED THEM!?!??!!?........... awww i feel better....thank you... Sat, Jun. 17th, 2006, 09:26 pm
for the first time in a long time....i needed someone to talk to and could not find anyone.... Thu, Jun. 1st, 2006, 01:24 am
why is it that people tend to piss me off more now than they did say..hmmm a year ago? i was much better person a year ago. i wonder a year from now, what or should i say who will i become? why do i think that people act like they like me but feel that behind my back they really dont? am i become the monster that i've fought against for so many years? i need to leave...or i feel like i do. that day will come though and when i'm gone people that have never really missed me....will miss more than i will miss them. why do i feel like i'm about to embark on a journey that will take me away for many years. i've always had this feeling that when i live, i may never come back to this place...this place that once felt like home to me. Wed, May. 31st, 2006, 12:40 pm
UB is good, i have to work for my dad friday and maybe saturday which sucks. last night was....odd but stupid. my gut feeling was right and i went to BWs and well of course got trashed. I'm glad to have a friend like Josh Knox. I wish i could be more like him and be a better person like i use to be. Seems as time goes on, i transform more and more into the person i've always hated: a person with no heart. i dont get mad but i love to bitch about every little thing. i'm more out spoken now than what i was, which isn't always good its actually bad.... question of the day: why do i even care? Mon, May. 29th, 2006, 09:26 am
yes it is i the one and only craig smith back from GEORGIA. trip was fun BUT....well i rather not say anything. i didnt do anything bad hell the trip was more educational than anything else. we saw the human body, which were real human bodies. but i'm in the mood where i want to go watch a movie by myself and just chill and well.......think. oh well UB tomorrow, should be fun. get away from people. i can't wait till August, i'm looking forward going to North Carolina. I think i might stay two nights if have the money just to drive around and see the state some. Lonely road trip...I THINK NOT. I like to think of it as a break from Eastern Ky society. Current Mood:
 disappointedMon, May. 22nd, 2006, 05:14 pm
so yeah...i'm at my dads, been working of course. i love to weedeat, its my escape. even though school is out, i've been busy traveling every where. i love my life sometimes and other times i wonder if its all worth it. no please dont think i'm sad or depressed or trying to be negative, i'm just saying i like to wonder. i feel.....i dont know....i feel something though. STRAYLIGHT RUN: "Existentialism On Prom Night" When the sun came up, We were sleeping in, Sunk inside our blankets, Sprawled across the bed, And we were dreaming, There are moments when, When I know it and The world revolves around us, And we're keeping it, Keep it all going, This delicate balance, Vulnerable all knowing, Sing like you think no one's listening, You would kill for this, Just a little bit, Just a little bit, You would, kill for this Sing like you think no one's listening, You would kill for this, Just a little bit, Just a little bit, You would, you would... Sing me something soft, Sad and delicate, Or loud and out of key, Sing me anything, we're glad for what we've got, Done with what we've lost Our whole lives laid out right in front of us, Sing like you think no one's listening, You would kill for this, Just a little bit, Just a little bit, You would, Sing like you think no one's listening, You would kill for this, Just a little bit, Just a little bit, You would, you would.... Sing me something soft, Sad and delicate, Or loud and out of key, Sing me anything. i mostly enjoy this.... "Sing me something soft, Sad and delicate, Or loud and out of key, Sing me anything." makes me want to feel......wanted... Sun, May. 14th, 2006, 12:02 pm
b-day was great...i sleep in the same room as megan's parents did....very interesting....we to the redneck bar..megan's mom got hit on by a 5'8'' toothless guy....funny, very funny....then we got back to the hotel...megan's mom and i talked for about 30 minutes....what a b-day.... P.S. didn't get that drunk actually...the way i like it..... P.S.S....anyone needs me...call my cell or house number....if the cell, leave a message and a phone number and i'll get back to ya...later..have a great summer.. Fri, May. 12th, 2006, 07:43 pm
semester over..yaye no internet for 2 weeks...yaye no people i hope for 2 weeks...yaye.. 2 weeks to think and get my head on stright...yaye life....blah....so tired of people and being around people...i make myself sick... Mon, May. 8th, 2006, 12:54 am
well semester is ending...so what does that mean....summer time!!!!!!...also means i have no internet..... Thu, May. 4th, 2006, 01:06 am
today i found out something i did not want to hear. it burdens me to even tell it. when i found out, i start crying from the inside. i would have cried on the outside but i was at wal-mart. the words still repeat over and over in my head..."i've seen it..." WHY GOD WHY!?!!?!? out of all the people why her, WHY HER!!!!!!!! my dear beloved friend niki dalton watched THE NOTEBOOK... yes, a crime that i thought would only happen if hell froze over...well i guess the devil is pissed off right now. my life will never be the same...i think this could be my last post on live journal.....later today i'll decided...... pray for me...NO WAIT!!! pray for my friend, nicole lynn dalton..MAY GOD BE WITH HER! Tue, May. 2nd, 2006, 03:20 pm
so yeah i failed my abstract exam. so right now i'm just numb and bitter at myself. should have did better but guess ill have to kick the finals exam ass, if i can. so much coming at me, dont know what to do. not just school stuff either. sometimes i wonder if i moved away or transfer school, would it be good for me. fresh new start, new people, new struggles to over come. but then i think, in less than 2 years i'll be leaving anyways. kinda sad saying goodbye to all that i've built here, friendships mostly. makes me think, is it worth to even get close to anyone or anything because i will always be on the move and ill never really be settled. "So everyone thinks i know so many people. well if that is true, then why do i feel so lonely inside and cry at night?." well, one week and half then summer comes...i have my next 3 weeks planned but yet right now i just want to be alone and be around no one...... Mon, May. 1st, 2006, 01:10 am
Yaye update time. Friday i failed a abstract exam bigger than shit, so yeah i'm pissed at myself and the math world. But i did go to a Reds game. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! when i got up to hang out with megan, going to another one, she dont know this yet. Saturday = drunk at formal. had a blast. i wore my cowboy hate, drank alot of beer, dance a hell of alot. called knox lighting and niki, which niki got a awesome voice mail i believe...lol. thank God i was not allow to call anymore. while dancing, i thought i was dancing with my friend bret's g/f but when i got a closer look, it was some girl i didnt know, which made it better. meet tater b/f, he hated me before he meet me and now he thinks i'm awesome as hell. nickname through the night ---> Tim McGraw. Sunday went to Backlash, which was fun as hell too. so i had a great weekend. busy, got alot to do in the next 2 weeks. which also means May 13th = i'm wasted. SO PUMPED just can't hide it. well halo or bed time. Thu, Apr. 27th, 2006, 03:14 pm
yeah yeah..its late but i thought i give it time and try this out...plus, i'm bored: Post an anonymous comment with the following: 1. one secret. 2. one compliment. 3. one non-compliment. 4. lyrics to a song. 5. how old you are. 6. how long we've been friends. 7. and a hint to who you are. *be honest and on the hint..make it hard as HELL for me....* Thu, Apr. 27th, 2006, 12:23 am
so yeah..bombed real analysis exam today. oh well, life happens. i dont know what it is but i'm in the mind set to say screw it all. could be semester is almost over and i'm tired of trying. busy weekend, dont know if i'm up to it or not. i'm so wore out and just BLAH... i have alot of my plate. to be honest, i dont want to go home for 2 weeks. i love my mom but its not home anymore, i think thats why i wanted to move off campus. i dont feel close to my family though i try to get close. everytime my cell phone rings and has "mom" on it, i have a feeling that its going to be mom drunk and complaining about jf or me. i think i know why i hate asking help from my mom, she gets upset not matter if i need her or not. its like i dont ask for help, then i dont want to let her in my life but when i do, its because i can't budget my money or i made bad choices....FUCK!!!!!!!!! =) but oh well....life happens. my head is spinning around and around and around.....around. sucks balls if u tell me. so yes, i will openly admit that i have a commitment issue...if u haven't noticed yet. what to do..what to do..... |
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